How We Are Known

I sincerely promise to post pictures of our 2-day extraganza of a dinner party as well as Spence's most recent adventures soon. At this point, however, I've been too lazy to download any pictures to my computer. However, since I have decided that I really want this blog to be a scrapblog, of sorts, for Spence and the future Spence's, I've decided to write what's on my mind recently. I guess my hope is that, along with pictures and memories, it will be a little bit about me (Jarrod is on his own.) This might be long so feel free to move along to the next website you planned on browsing. It won't hurt my feelings (unless you're Spence and it's 2020)!

Since Spence was born, and more recently since discpline seems to be such a large part of each day, I wondered whether Spence (or future Spences) would ever really know me. Of course he would know the mother - but would he know ME as I want to be known. Would he know the sometimes ornery, sometimes funny, secretively tender-hearted (I clearly don't have self esteem issues) me? Even thought my mother is my best friend, I'm not sure I truly know her as she wants to be known. All of our experiences with one another are clouded by her being my mother - someone who I can disappoint.

In thinking of this, I realized that I sounded selfish. Especially after I realized that, in reality, I wanted Spence to know who I once was - not who I am. I wanted him to know the popular, cute, athletic, smart (I know - no self esteem issues here) 15 to 22 year old. And, I think I wanted that because the past can so easily be colored by how we wish to be seen, rather than the present which is more difficult to alter.

This past Sunday at church, our pastor spoke on the covenantal relationship. He began by noting that God's covenant as outlined in the Old Testament is not with us individually but rather with "His people." And, that our relationship with those other individuals affects our covenant relationship with Him. Then, he began to discuss the covenant we have with God as outlined in the New Testament. Specifically, he discussed that now, we have a covenant representative - Jesus - who stands between His people and God. And, what's incredible about having Jesus as our representative is that the view God sees of us has been washed white through the forgiveness of sin. So, he doesn't see the hateful, impatient, bitter, person I somtimes feel that I am. He views me the way I wish to be seen.

Anyway, I found it all so convicting because, in a sense, I have always hoped that by Spence understanding who I was rather than who I am, his idea of me would be washed white (idyllic) rather than realistic and, the ultimate truth is that only through Jesus can be ever be known how we wish to be known.