Am I Crazy or Lazy?

Being a mom to an infant is hard.  Prior to having kids, I thought having a night nurse was pathetic - for the faint of heart.  Now, I'm googling one as I simultaneously type this post.  I can't tell if I'm crazy or lazy but I sit around, day after day, thinking about ways to make my life easier.  Truth is, getting up 3 times a night when you can take a catnap is more doable than getting up 3 times a night when you have to feign awakeness at a job all day.  I don't mean to insinuate that being a work from home mom is an easy job.  Quite the opposite - I couldn't cut it.  I love to pee without eyes peering over me or questions being yelled to me from across the house.  However, I do miss those catnaps.

I was an awful work from home mom.  In 18 months, I managed to watch the entire SERIES (not seasons) of both Frasier and Friends.  I became obsessed with Cash Cab and Judge Judy and never did more than 1 load of laundry a week.  Oh, and I still had a housekeeper.  I did manage to go to the grocery every day and cook dinner....oh and keep my kid alive.  For that, I think I deserve a medal.

But I digress....

I'm not sure whether I'm crazy or lazy but here are the things I wish I could invent:

1.  A hand that rocks the cradle (literally...not the psychotic Rebecca De Mornay version).  It needs to be portable - rock the cradle, shake the crib, rock the carseat (when it's out of the car) and even do butt pats for when my hand falls asleep.
2.  A monitor that only sounds when the cry reaches a certain decibel level.  Let me be honest, if you're just a little fussy, I don't want to know about.  If you're talking to yourself, it's cute but I don't need to hear.  Really only notify me if we're about to have a breakdown.
3.  Tape that keeps a paci or a thumb in the a mouth without such tape becoming a choking hazard.
4.  NyQuil for babies.  No, I do not advocate drugging your infants.  However, you show me a baby with RSV or even a bad cold and it's heartbreaking.  A little decongestant would go a long way toward my sanity and their snot production....

I close with my biggest pet peeve of the moment.  I love facebook.  I love seeing pictures of people's children, their vacations, and their stupid e-cards.  However, I cannot STAND it when married friends, who do not yet have children, post about their "date nights."  EVERY FREAKING TIME YOU GO ANYWHERE WITH YOUR HUSBAND IT'S A DATE!!!  Run to Target for toilet paper = date.  Get your car washed = date.  Get McDonald's = date.  Go to the post office for stamps = date.  Please stop posting about our date night at Carabba's when all I want is one 20 minutes shower where my boobs don't explode from the faint crying of a baby I hear in the background.

And goodnight :)